There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head today. Recovering from trauma can become quite tiring for this reason. However, I'm committed to healing instead of running this time.
I wonder how many people try to run only to discover it doesn't work? Maybe it's even you, yourself.
There are so many ways that we can try to run that you may not even think about what these are. For instance, I let myself continue working in the adult industry even after leaving my abusive ex-boyfriend. I claimed to be doing this "because I needed money." I used the same excuse for reading Tarot cards for other people. All this did was further destroy any trust I had for myself. I'm just blessed that I didn't also turn to dating as an escape.
Thank God He saved me and I was baptized on November 7, 2018. Prior to that God and I had a "tug of war relationship." I'd give Him myself occasionally only to fall off and take back the control. Since God is a gentleman He never fought me over this. Instead He let me hit the proverbial wall where I discovered that I couldn't do this life by myself. Since learning this and being baptized things really have changed for the better. I haven't touched porn or Tarot. In fact, a friend and I burnt my Tarot cards in February 2019 and while they were burning God told me, "This is where the real 'magic' begins."
Now I'm not saying I'm perfect, not by far, but I am blessed. Little by little God is taking over my life and showing me things. One of the biggest things He's showing me is that even though I've always thought that I couldn't trust anyone, He's worthy. Together He and I have made some great decisions in the time since I was baptized. Little by little I step out on faith and accept His love more. While I've said (as recently as yesterday) I can't trust myself or anyone else, through journaling this morning I've been shown that's a lie of the enemy - something that shouldn't surprise me considering how much the enemy has lied to me throughout my life.
I'm also a work in progress. I still have a ways to go to take back my life and be living the way God wants me to live - a journey that I'm committed to sharing with you in hopes that you will see that with God everything is possible. We're daughters/sons of the King and have more power and authority than we allow ourselves to believe. I'm here to encourage you today to embrace your journey. He will show you He's trustworthy and that you have royal blood flowing through you because He alone is worthy!