How to Free Yourself From Being a People Pleaser (& the new link party)

people pleaser
Stop pleasing everyone!

Breaking free from people-pleasing isn't easy. Nevertheless, it's important. While being agreeable is great, being subservient will oftentimes backfire on you. It may even prevent you from reaching your full potential.

Some things you can do to break out of your people-pleasing habits include:

Be true to yourself. 

people pleaser
"If you spend your lie pleasing someone else, you spend your life" - Cheryl Richardson

When you're doing things you don't want to do in hopes that they'll strengthen your relationships/friendships, it's time to be honest about what you do and don't like. Not being authentic to yourself will harm you in the long run. You won't be able to maintain the lies, masks, and hidden agendas for very long.

People need to know the honest, real you. This is who they want a friendship/relationship with. Choosing to be authentic instead of trying to explain away who and what you are so people don't see your perfect imperfections doesn't work. These are the things that make you both special and unique. So, be true to your feelings, emotions, thoughts, and opinions. Don't apologize for or regret these things.

Stop worrying what other people think about you.

people pleaser
"When I seek your approval, I don't approve of me that's seeking your approval" ~ Byron Katie

Most people are afraid of public speaking. In fact, more people are afraid of it than are afraid of dying. This is because people are more concerned about appearances than they are with the message they're portraying. This mentality makes us their prisoners because we have no control over what they say or think. The only thing we can control is our thoughts, actions, and feelings.

When you stop worrying about what other people think, you're freed from their judgment. Everyone has different standards and these standards are beyond your control. Instead of worrying about trying to control them, simply be the best you can be, fall in love with and approve of this person and ignore others' opinion or validation. 

You'll never be able to please anyone anyway regardless of how hard you try.

Create Healthy Boundaries

people pleaser
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

It's challenging, yet vital for you to learn how to say "No," especially when it comes to things that you really don't want to do. You shouldn't feel selfish, worried, or guilty that you'll upset or hurt someone. This can be challenging both at home and at work. However, once you start telling people what you need, you'll be surprised that everything is fine.

Setting boundaries is something you must learn. Just because you say "No" doesn't mean that you don't like someone. Remember, you're saying "No" to the task, not the person. By showing someone what you're willing and unwilling to accept you're showing them how you deserve to be treated. You're preventing them from treating you like a doormat - something even Jesus made sure to do. This is because He understood that giving people His time meant giving them a piece of His life - something that's no different for you.

Once you've established boundaries you're free to:
  • Spend time with those who bring out the best in you
  • Be around people who support 
  • Those who are accepting of who you are

Any relationship that doesn't do these things is toxic. If you don't feel at ease though, it's important for you to change the people you're around because you don't deserve to be around toxic people. While some people may think this is selfish, it's not. Instead, you're showing yourself self-respect, self-love, and self-care - all of which are things you truly deserve.

Use Assertive Communication

people pleaser
"When you say 'Yes' to others, make sure you aren't saying 'No' to yourself" ~ Paulo Coelho

When you find yourself saying "Yes" because you don't know how to clearly and confidently express yourself or that you may come across as sounding aggressive or impolite, then you should try one of these:
  • "...doesn't work for me right now."
  • "I can't make it... (when)."
  • "I have too much happening right now."
  • "Thanks for thinking of me. Sorry I can't do that right now."
  • "It's too bad I'm busy but please let me know how it goes."
  • "Maybe some other time. How's next week look for you?"
  • "No thanks but it sounds great."
This is a graceful way to say "No" without offending anyone.

Be your own best friend.

people pleaser
"It's not your job to like me, it's mine" ~ Byron Katie

Each of us is in charge of our own happiness. Don't expect anyone else to make you happy or fulfill your needs and desires. Instead, you must make yourself a priority. This means finding time to engage in activities that bring you joy, create happiness, and make you feel loved, whole, and valued. When you start feeling this way you'll stop feeling so dependent on others' approval. To do this you'll need to:
  • Pay attention to your self talk. Stop disempowering yourself.
  • Treat yourself with dignity and respect. Talk kindly to yourself and acknowledge your achievements.
  • Embrace praise. Gracefully receive any compliments you're given instead of acting like you're unworthy o it. However, don't go to the other extreme either in depending on people's compliments.
Once you learn to do these things you won't fear being alone. In fact, you'll start enjoying your own company.

P.S. Remember, sharing is caring.,
Who do you know that could be 
blessed by this ministry too? 

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  1. Passing this along to someone I love who is struggling with this. Thank you. Visiting you from the anything goes linky.

    1. Thank you. Please have them read the entire series if they're willing to. I'm also here to engage. Sorry I somehow overlooked this post before.

  2. You might enjoy a book by Lou Priolo entitled Pleasing People. I think this is an issue many of us struggle with. I know I found his book extremely helpful and easy to read.

    1. Thanks for the suggestion I'll have to check it out

  3. What a fantastic post. Such an important message. And I love that you have been making strides in this area. Learning to say no is a huge task, but once you have mastered it, life is so much easier to handle! Thanks for sharing your insight on this topic and linking up with me.


    1. I can already see how it's helping make life easier. Thanks for hosting the link party!


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