God Speaks, "It's Going to be All Right"

Transformation is a whole process. While you'd think that as we grow older we'd know who we are. However, growing up and spending close to 45 years just letting people treat me like a human punching bag, coupled with plenty of bad decisions that I've made, has me at a point where I feel lost.

This morning I woke up with a piece of poetry in my heart that God gave me. Rest assured, I'm no poet and very rarely write poetry, which is why I'm certain this came from God...

When I look at the world and see all its strife, all I feel is sad.

When I look at my own life and see all the pain I've been through, all I feel is mad.

Lord why does it have to be this way?

I know You have the final say.

All You have to do is speak the word and it's done.

All You have to do is hold up Your hands and the battle is won.

That You have chosen for things to be this way,

I find myself waiting for Your final say.

Lord when will the time come when the battle is finally won?

Lord do I have to wait all my life?

Making my way through a life of strife...

Fighting the ultimate battle to be with You

And finally enjoy Heaven's view.

Lord I've had enough

Of this world and all its stuff.

I wish You'd call me home, into Heaven's door

Where I could worship You forevermore.

Yet here on Earth I will stay,

Until there comes a day

When the pain will go away

And in Heaven I will stay.

Lord fill me with Your peace.

I ask knowing that only You can release

the pain and longing of my sound

For it is You who makes me whole.

At the end of the day, there is only one thing I'm certain of: I know whose I am. 

I'm a child of the living King, which makes me royalty. Have I come to a point where I see myself as this? Not yet, but I feel like for the first time in my life I'm heading in the right direction. I'm surrounded by a team of doctors who care. I can open up and start to accept healing.

Is this going to be easy? 

Absolutely not. I'm struggling with it every minute of every day right now. Maybe I chose a bad time to start working on myself with COVID-19 making life as we know it drastically different already, but I started this 2 weeks before I knew that was going to happen. I started from a place where I thought I was strong, happy, and at peace with my life. It's only taken a month to realize that most of my life is a lie I was feeding myself to help me survive and that I somehow made peace with the lies.

Is this going to be worthwhile? 

In the end, most definitely. I just have to hang in there for a while and let God do his transformational work.