Over the years, I know I've become a people pleaser. Unfortunately, my desire to make others happy is a symptom of my deeper issue: Being brought up in an abusive home. My eagerness to please those around me is due to being brought up to be a perfectionist. I find it hard to feel accepted and liked without being everything to everyone. By being a people pleaser I hope to make everyone happy. This has become a way of life for me. Unfortunately, this isn't me being kind, it's me being a doormat and being walked all over. I "protect" this characteristic by saying things like "I don't want to be selfish" or "I want to be a good person."
Being a people pleaser is a serious issue and a very hard habit to break. With this in mind here's a quiz for you...
Unfortunately, if you're like me you've answered enough questions to be seen as a people pleaser. This is something that I'd mentioned knowing about myself - last week, prior to taking this quiz. Nevertheless, there are some things that me, as a people pleaser, must remember:
- Listening politely to other people, even though you may disagree, is a good social skill. However, acting like you agree with them so you're liked means you're acting in a way that goes against your values.
- While it's important to understand that your behavior impacts others, thinking that you can make others happy is an issue. Everyone is responsible for their own emotions.
- Regardless of why you're a people pleaser, it's important to remember that there's no reason why you should apologize for being the person you are.
- It's important to understand that if you don't speak up for yourself, you'll never be the person God has created you to be.
- People get mad all the time. It's not always your fault. However, if you don't want someone being mad at you, you're more likely to compromise your values for them.
- Different people will bring out different parts of your personality. Don't let them pressure you into being someone God hasn't created you to be.
- Kind words and praise may make you feel good, you shouldn't depend on people to give you this type of validation. You need to fill yourself with the things that God says about you - speak life and prophesy over yourself.
- While you don't necessarily want to start a conflict, if avoiding one means being untrue to you and God, you have no choice: You'll need to follow God's will, not man's.
- Forming authentic relationships with people requires you to sometimes speak up about how you're feeling. Otherwise you'll never have anything more than a superficial relationship.
There are many things to think on here. Ultimately what it comes down to is: Will you please the people around you or will you please God? While this is easy to answer, it's challenging to implement. Nevertheless, we're called to...
Lord help set me free from people pleasing tendencies.
Help me be humble in seeking your will and honest in living your will out in front of others.
Forgive me for the times I live for people instead of living for you.
In Jesus' name, AMEN
Pleasing people or God...it's a great question that we don't always consider. We often unconsciously resort to pleasing people because they're more vocal in the moment, but ultimately pleasing God is the greatest reward.ReplyDelete
My friend mentioned this to me when I'd received an answer from God but my parents were trying (once again even though I'm pushing 50yo) to inflict their will on me. I ultimately made the choice to follow God and it truly has been a blessing.Delete
This one is something I am thinking about a lot recently. Ate a meal I did not like tonight as I have for weeks now for fear of upsetting the cook. Ditto with drinking a drink I do not like and giving in to a glass of wine when I do not really want one. 8 and 9 on the quiz really rang true. I am using lockdown to think these things through and I thank you for these insights #AnythingGoesReplyDelete
It's good that you're recognizing these things. Stay tuned... Next week I'll have some things I've been doing to help "correct the problem"Delete
For me it has taken a certain amount of maturity and life experiences to be able to navigate my way through “people pleasing” and staying true to my own thoughts and beliefs.ReplyDelete
Thank you for using your experience to teach others. Visiting you from the purposeful faith link up. I hope you will link up with Grace and Truth as well at laurensparks.net on Fridays!ReplyDelete
Awesome! Thanks for the invite :)Delete
I'm a people pleaser type. Don't know the origins, but that's the way I am. Sometimes it's hard, but it mostly brings me pleasure. - MargyReplyDelete
There's definitely a fine line. I think it's important to find it.Delete
I love the thought of am I trying to please God or others? I want to please God. Your quiz was fantastic and it helped me to see all of the progress I have made in this area. Thank you for sharing with Grace & Truth Link-Up. MareeReplyDelete
Glad you're getting somewhere with this :) I still have a LONG way to go lolDelete
Wow... what a thought provoking article! I had never looked at it like that before! I know I am a people-pleaser, but I have learnt to say no! Adding God into the mix has given me a whole new perspective on it! Thanks so much for sharing at Fiesta Friday.ReplyDelete
First, let me say thank you for the complement. Second, I'm so glad you're learning... Now if I could just say the same for myself lolDelete
Learning to say no was very difficult, but setting yourself a target to spend time on something you want to do rather than what other people want you to do helps immensely. You could start with one 'no' a fortnight for example, or look at what you are often asked to do. Say to yourself next time I'm asked to (babysit for example), I will say "I already have plans" or "I am really busy at the moment." It is best to use positive "I" statements rather than negatives and although you might feel mean, they will more than likely say okay and ask someone else! It gets easier the more you do it! Plus, you get all that extra time for yourself! Hooray! :)Delete
I'm starting small... My therapist has me practicing in a "safe" environment that being with my daughter and our small church. I do see how being positive would help. I also like to try to use "I" statements whenever possible. Thank you for the encouragement.Delete
I love the statement: "There is no reason you should apologize for being the person you are." YES!!!! Sometimes we worry so much about people pleasing... Why not worry more about self-pleasing? Especially if the person we're trying to please is potentially toxic OR acts in a way we don't agree with? Great post!ReplyDelete
I'm glad that statement spoke to you! I'm struggling with it still but God... I want to be the person He created me to be. I want to please Him. Unfortunately after 40 years of toxicity that can be challenging at times BUT He will get me there.Delete