While I've had PTSD and CPTSD for essentially my entire life, I've recently been told that I am also Bipolar. None of this is new to me besides the fact that I'm choosing not to run (rebel) and avoid it now. Instead, I'm choosing to meet it head on and deal with this "monster" so I can be free to live my life. Of course, I should expect good and bad days along the way but I honestly wish that I didn't crash so hard sometimes.
Last week I had the audacity to think I could be mad at God. I even walked into the church with a chip on my shoulder that lasted a whole 30 minutes before God bopped me. I got things straightened out with Him and was feeling good again until today.
Part of this I brought on myself: Working through the PTSD workbook my therapist has me working on
Part of this wasn't my fault at all: My daughter's depression wears off on me horribly at times
For some reason I just crashed and burned today. Now I'm trying to level out again so I'll spend tonight doing some self care. I just wish that my life wasn't such a roller coaster but God has me, even when I doubt it (but that's another topic entirely).
Nevertheless, I'm just wondering: Does anyone else have this roller coaster ride? Please tell me I'm not alone here (lol)
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ReplyDeleteReading your writing I gathered myself in prayer and looking in myself I found and listened to the answers I was looking for. You made me think.
I thank God for using me and I pray for His peace upon you.
DeleteHey there! Thanks for sharing this with us. You’re definitely not alone! I also struggle with CPTSD and OCD and there are good days, bad days, and really awful days unfortunately.
ReplyDeleteRecovery is never as linear as we’d hope it to be and sometimes it’s downright painful. Keep taking care of yourself! Sending hugs 💖
You're so right about it not being linear. I was thrown a real curve ball just this past Tuesday, which I wrote about in "Turning up the Heat" I hope you're finding peace and healing in your journey. Thanks for the encouraging words (((HUGS)))
DeleteVee- Designs-byvee.com, Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I'm sure it's hard going through life trying to figure out life and your feelings but knowing is half the battle. I'm glad you have God in your life. You can always depend on him no matter what. He will never give you too that you can't handle! Keep pushing through 😊 💪🏾
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouraging words. Sometimes I don't think I can handle things but He proves me wrong time and time again. He's had my back so many times I can't wait to see how He'll have my back again in the future.
DeleteThanks for sharing this vulnerability with us!
ReplyDeleteIt's not always easy, but I pray that it's always helpful.
DeleteI'm raising a child with mental illness - I know the roller coaster ride from that perspective. Sounds like you're on the right path and I hope things continue to get better for you! :)
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine being a child in this day and age with mental illness. Hopefully my blog will shed some light into what they're going through as it isn't always easy for parents to understand but you seem to want to do your best to do so. Thanks for your kind words. I said a prayer for your child today...
DeleteWow, thank you for sharing so honestly. I'm glad you found some peace. I will admit, I have not heard of CPTSD. What is that?
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