My Therapist's Challenge

How PTSD affects my relationships

One thing that I recently discovered about myself in therapy is that I'm a "people pleaser." This means exactly how it sounds: I'm someone who lives to please other people.  You may wonder how PTSD affects my relationships here. It's essentially that I don't know how to say "no." As such, I'll do anything for anyone, regardless of whether I want to do it or not.

Unfortunately, these characteristics were developed in my childhood. I remember how my parents required me to get nothing less than a "B" on my report card and to always do what I was told, regardless. These are just a few examples of how demanding my parents were. I also remember times when I'd get the belt used on me even though I really hadn't done anything that a typical child wouldn't do. Not to brag, but I was a good kid who didn't do what a lot of kids do. I was always home or if I wasn't, then I was at school, karate, or church.

Another thing that oftentimes happens in homes that "create" "people pleasers" is that parents are emotionally distant. This really doesn't come as much of a surprise as my parents were continually fighting with one another for as long as I can remember. They were also emotionally distant where I was involved. My Mom and I have never really got along and my Dad spent a lot of time at work.

This is how PTSD affects my life

How PTSD affects my life is that I honestly don't even know what I enjoy. I'm 44 years old and don't know what I like, what I don't like, etc. Instead I put other people's needs and desires ahead of my own. While you may think that what PTSD looks like here is bad, you should know that it isn't all bad. This shows that I'm a caring person, that I highly value social connections, and that I really like to make other people happy.

This doesn't mean that there aren't any drawbacks though. In fact, there are. Like I mentioned I have no idea who the real me is. As such, my therapist challenged me to do something I enjoy this weekend. So far, I re-dyed my hair purple, spent some time doing crafts, and will fix my nails before going to bed so they look nice for church tomorrow. Slowly but surely I'm being reformed of my "people pleasing" ways.