It seems like all my life I've done stuff for other people. I've worked to take care of myself and my son. I've bent over backward to be the daughter my parents seemingly always wanted. I did more volunteer work than was necessary. When the organization I was volunteering with needed me, I was there. In other words, I never stopped to think about myself because I thought that doing so would be "selfish."
Then I seemingly had a midlife crisis...
I'm now at the point where I no longer think it's selfish to take care of me. I know it's necessary and I don't think that it's just my health that's led me to this point. I feel as though a light bulb went off in my head.
When that light bulb went off I seem to have chilled out quite a bit. I've let go of things that I'd worried about consistently in my past. I'm not sure what this light bulb is other than God working in my life because I've now aligned myself with His will.
While my parents told me I'd never attend seminary, I'm there now. Some days I feel like I should be doing more but I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I’m really excelling in a lot of other ways too. For instance:
- I've always wanted to write a book and now I have a publisher for the book. I just need to write it. (Get it outlined, written, and turned in.)
- I have a blog through which I'm sharing my experiences in hopes of helping others grow through chronic illness.
- I have a great internship where I'm learning so much about blogging, online writing, and ministry.
- I'm making a great group of friends in the online world.
- I'm making a life for myself - the one God always wanted me to have. It's all being done from the comfort of my home. While I used to find this place confining, I don't anymore.
Just writing this has been a blessing in that I'm seeing reaffirmation of the fact that my book is to be a devotional for people with chronic illness. I'm also learning many different things throughout all of this. One of the main things that I'm learning is to be bold in my faith. I'm praying for, encouraging, and speaking God's words and truths into people's lives. This isn't the way I usually am but now that I've surrendered to God at the wheel it's who He wants me to be. For this reason, I must remember the words God just spoke through me into my friend's life...
"You're My story. I'm not done with you yet."