Growing up with a Mother who's a narcicist and a Father who's passive aggressive is a great way to mess up a child's self-esteem. It's no wonder all through school I spent the majority of school by myself. Of course it doesn't help that we were continuously moving. While my Dad said it was so he could move up the corporate ladder, in truth I think it's because he didn't want anyone to know what was going on in our home and that he was also verbally abusive to my Mom.
Fast forward to this year...
While I spent a lot of my life running and searching for answers, gladly blaming everyone and everything but myself for the way things were, I've come to understand that I'm the only one who can change my life for the better. Of course, everything I've been through has helped shape me into the person I am today but that doesn't mean I should place blame on these things. Instead, I should embrace them and be thankful for what I've learned from these experiences.
This isn't something I've learned overnight. It's something that's taken a lot of time, a lot of soul searching, and the support of the "right" friends around me. I no longer allow anyone/everyone into my inner world because they don't need to be there. (Obviously this doesn't mean that I never show anyone that I can also be weak and vulnerable.) However, I do allow a select few to visit me there.
One of the select few that I've allowed into this world with me, besides my son, is my therapist. While it doesn't seem like I'm doing any work when I'm with her, I've come leaps and bounds just from her knowing the right questions to ask and the right time to ask them. She's been a vessel to help me find a reason for going to school, a path to my future, and a support system that's there for me as much as I'm there for them (albeit online but in this day and age that works just as well as in "real" life).
I encourage you to find your support system... The one that pushes and encourages you to be transformed... Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon at the foot of the cross, my future is bright in front of me and so is yours.
Until next time, Stay strong,